it's only you, all you

i don't quite understand why he can't keep his dogs on his leash. i cant quite understand why his heart and mind are so filthy. i cant quite understand why in God's name he is making stories up in his mind. you know it's actually really funny, sitting here and thinking of all the memories that led to a beautiful disaster. yes i am thankful, so so thankful, that life's taking a turn and a beautiful one. it's hard to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel when it seems all dark. it's like you have these monsters who you think are your friends and are there to guide you to the right direction but they are just there to make sure you never see that light in the end. "at the end of the day, you only have you, from the first breath till the last. make your journey through that tunnel your own, make it out by yourself, without anyone's help like i know you can." -dkaur  thank you mom and dad. 

i'm not your toy and neither is she

I'm sorry my lips aren't perfect enough for you.  Sorry, so sorry they aren't a rose like pink with enough plump to hold your kiss. I'm scrubbing them with this gel I paid thirty bucks for.  Will you take me then?  Sorry I have brown eyes, I am getting colored contacts this week.  Will you take me then?  Oh, I'm sorry my waist isn't skinny enough for you. Sorry, it isn't the right shape to be held my your wrists. Sorry, it doesn't have these equal, perfect curves. I will get surgery this month. I have an appoint made for viewing on the third of this month. Will you take me then?  Oh, I'm sorry I'm not blonde, not a brunette. I'm sorry I'm a red head. I'm so sorry you don't see my hair and these beautiful locks of red strength. I know it isn't your color, I am going out to my hair dye tomorrow, I promise.  Will you take me then?  I'm sorry my breasts aren't small enough for the world. I'm getting surgery for that …

even if I yelled in the middle of my school halls, I wouldn’t have been loud enough

I didn't stumble this time, I just wrote poetry, that's all. Some people, no matter how close, will never believe you. this is a story that was inspired by a book, not my story but it is my writing.

she said no.  she said stop. she said these things to you.  she said she didn’t want to be touched or held in the manner you were. she wanted out.  she said these things to you.  but you didn’t listen. 
so then she said help me, he touched me, on the side of my body, drunk. help me, he touched me, by my hip, drunk. she said these things to the counselor. they turned and they said, you shouldn’t have. shouldn’t have hugged him, been there with him. you should’ve been smarter. so then she said okay and walked out.
she said this is what happened and that is what happened to her best friend. she said these things to her best friend.  the best fiend defended her for two seconds and then turned around and said fuck it, this is just teen girl drama and lies. she said what happened to her best friend. 
so …

i stumbled on writing some poetry

Poetry has always been something that I’ve looked forward to at the end of the day and something I poured my heart out to. It’s what I’ve used as a coping mechanism since a very hard time of my life and it’s a wonderful way that I express my feelings or my art.

yeah i get we both broke the pieces, but you left me there with the broom and what? expected me to sweep up the mess alone? nah, i left those damn pieces there, and now i’m barefoot and your words and actions are sharper than the glass shards in me feet. but the difference is that the shards don’t hurt and neither does your bullsh*t. want to know why? because the day you left, you were dead to me. -dkaur
i wish i killed you before you were dead to me. now you’re just a plastic ken doll corpse walking around. all rotten and disgusting. please go suffocate yourself under the ground, before satan turns gay for you -dkaur

Sikhism & Sterotypes

Sikhism (Sikhi)- a monotheistic religion that originated in the Punjab region of India (subcontinent in South Asia) during the 15th century. 
  My family and I practice the religion Sikhism. A religion that is not as talked or known about yet it is the 5th largest religion in the world.  The word Sikh means a "learner" or a "disciple".
The beliefs of Sikhism are expressed and written in the sacred scripture called the "Guru Granth Sahib". The Guru Granth Sahib includes faith and meditation in the name of the one creator, unity of all humankind, engaging inselfless service, striving for social justice for thebenefit and prosperity of all, and honest conduct and livelihood while living a householder's life. Sikhism has 27-28 million adherents worldwide and isthe fifth-largest religion in the world.
  The word 'Sikhism' is derived from the Punjabi verb Sikhi, with roots in Sikhana (to learn), and Sikhi connotes the "temporal path of learning&…

Bitch, Please.

hello. Hey guys! So a while ago i wrote a post about losing a friend and guess what? haha that happened again. yay ?! I need to go off and rant about this but also share what I've learned. I can't give you advice about how to deal with it right now but maybe in a while. This time, I'm going to have this in a crazy format. It won't be a good format, it may be all over the place but I'll try. 
Okay so this friend and I had a "fight" and basically they left. Walked to of my life. They meant a lot to me and now they're out, gone, left, whatever. Yeah, sure it does hurt like HELL, but they were part of my journey. It sucks ASS when you lose your best friend. They just decide to be an ass one day and you're like what the ---, okay. I don't know if they will ever come back but they were horrible, a horrible person. Their words and actions hurt but they don't matter because that person mattered, they don't anymore (to me) so nothing they say or…

Self Worth & Self Esteem

Disclaimer: this can turn into a rant but i'll try not to:)  but hello again! :) 
i've recently been motivated and i've had` this vibe or whatever that just makes me want to keep going. Honestly, that is not like me, that doesn't sound like me but for some reason i've been so determined this year and i'm not completely sure about how i got there.  i think it started off from me talking to someone on Snapchat and this girl, Anna,  (let's just say Anna, not her real name though) said that you just have to work hard and keep going and you will hate it but you just have to. There's no option. So somehow after that day, i've been so motivated to keep going and one of my friends laughs at me for this but when i want to stop or give up i literally say, "just keep swimming." For anything, that's like my "mantra" (haha) but it honestly works so well for me. 
Since that day when i talked to Anna, which i believe was a day before new y…